Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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