Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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