the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
