I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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