Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
