If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's just like the Real World with babies
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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