sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
