she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
