I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
