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Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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