I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
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Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.