why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?