There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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