Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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