I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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