I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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