i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
