Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
