I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
