dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
