I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Your cock deserves a montage
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
