Just cropdusted the office
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
