Pants 0. Shit 1.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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