Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
