I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Damn victory sex feels great
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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