I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
