i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
