I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
