so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
