My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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