The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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