ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
