So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
