I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
