We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
