I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
