Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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