We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
