You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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