Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
