I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
