he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
