I wannas sexs uuuuu
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
