he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
