I just made out with a guy for $7.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
