Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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