I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
