I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
