she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
