friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
