Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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