i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
