she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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