Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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