watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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