I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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