U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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