My first STD was from a foam party
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
