I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
