Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
