dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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