He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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