Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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