She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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