I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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