So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
