I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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