shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
