Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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